i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
