The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
