Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
