UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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