Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
