Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
