You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
