I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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