My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
