I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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