You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
