I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
