you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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