Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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