i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
