I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
