You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
