piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
