Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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