I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
