Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
