Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
