Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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