he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
