He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
