The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
