OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
