New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
