We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
