I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
