Whoa Z and x make the same sound
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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