it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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