I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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