If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
