Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
