ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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