I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They have beer where we have blood.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
