I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
