Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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