have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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