i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
