im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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