Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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