i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
