Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just had sex bonerless
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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