I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
