someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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