Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
