Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
