Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
