Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
