Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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