to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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