im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
