Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
