I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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