Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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